Text and Photos by Henrylito D. Tacio
The Lord God, the Bible tells us, created man “in his own image.” He had given Adam – the first man – the power to control all His other creations. But God observed that Adam was lonely – he was alone.
Genesis 2:21-23 chronicles how the first woman came to be: “So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs and closed up the place with flesh. Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. The man said, ‘This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman’ for she was taken out of man.’
The first marriage took place after that. In fact, Genesis 2:24 is perhaps the most often quoted verse during weddings: “For this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.”
The Bible story came into my mind when I heard a little girl who was asked during a Sunday school if she knew the story of Adam and Eve. “Of course, I do,” she replied. “First God made Adam and then looked at him and said, ‘I think I can do better,’ so He created a woman.”
Here’s another version: A small child came home from Sunday school and told her mother: “The teacher told us how God made the first man and the first woman. He made man first, but the man was very lonely with no one to talk to, so God put the man to sleep, and while he was asleep, God took out his brains and made a woman out of them.”
Then, troubles start. Former British Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher said: “If you want something said, ask a man; if you want something done, ask a woman.” Joseph Conrad contends: “Being a woman is a terribly difficult task since it consists principally in dealing with men.”
With women, there are always two choices. Will Rogers advises: “There are two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither one works.” Ihre Freundin said: “There are two kinds of women in the world: those who take a man’s strength and those who give a man strength.”
Now talking about two types of women, a psychoanalyst shares: “My women patients can be divided into two categories: the ones who work and the ones who stay at home. The former suffer from a guilt complex, the latter from frustration.”
Have you ever wondered why there are few women in combat? Elaynse Boosler replies: “We have women in the military, but they don’t put us in the front lines. They don’t know if we can fight, if we can kill. I think we can. All the general has to do is walk over to the women and say, ‘You see the enemy over there? They say you look fat in those uniforms.'”
This story contradicts, however. A foremost anthropologist supports the idea of coed conscription but draws the line at letting the ladies be battleaxes. Her reason: “I do not believe in using women in combat because females are too fierce.” Military generals, are you listening?
Here are some words of wisdom about women from noted personalities. Oscar Wilde: “Woman begins by resisting a man’s advances and ends by blocking his retreat.” Aristotle Onassis: “If women didn’t exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.”
In 1966’s ‘The Second Neurotic’s Notebook,’ Mignon McLaughlin wrote: “Women are never landlocked: they’re always mere minutes away from the briny deep of tears.” In 1933’s ‘Literature in My Time,’ Compton Mackenzie penned: “Women do not find it difficult nowadays to behave like men, but they often find it extremely difficult to behave like gentlemen.”
Are men and women really different? Elissa Melamed noted: “Men look at themselves in mirrors. Women look for themselves.” Oscar Wilde differentiates: “Women are never disarmed by compliments. Men always are. That is the difference between the sexes.”
Will Rogers contends: “Every time a woman leaves off something she looks better, but every time a man leaves off something he looks worse.” Elayne Boosler argues: “When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country.” Yul Brynner quips: “Women have an unfair advantage over men: if they can’t get what they want by being smart, they can get it by being dumb.”
Here’s another advantage of being a woman. “I’d much rather be a woman than a man,” Gilda Radner remarks. “Women can cry, they can wear cute clothes, and they are the first to be rescued off of sinking ships.”
If a man is looking for attention, don’t expect it from a woman. David Garnett reminds: “Women, it is said, do not concentrate. They can attend to the subject in hand, but their attention has not the wholeheartedness of a man’s. If so, it is just possible that since women have been cooking supper, mending clothes, listening to half a dozen children talking at once, and keeping them good-tempered and amused since before the dawn of history, they have learned to be able to attend to several things at a time. A man, on the other hand, focuses his mind.”
British actor Michael Caine has a different tale: “One of the most important things for a woman, I think, is to respect herself. ‘Cause a woman usually gets from men the same amount of respect she has for herself, almost to the ounce. Men have a second sense about women and when they sense that a woman has no respect for herself, they’re very quick to follow in her footsteps.”
As much as possible, never ask a woman how old she is. You’ll never know: “Women have a passion for mathematics. They divide their age in half, double the price of their clothes, and always add at least five years to the age of their best friend,” Marcel Achard points out. Why is this so? “Age to women is like Kryptonite to Superman,” says Kathy Lette.
At one time, a thirty-something woman applied for a job. The receptionist gave her an application form, and one of the queries was about age. The woman wrote: “Nuclear.”